Why are Vegans Such a Pain in the Ass?

Vegans are annoying. I am one and I know I’m annoying. I don’t even have to open my mouth to be offensive to others. I can simply show up, be quiet, keep to myself, and still I am annoying. It’s why I don’t get invited to parties and why friends run with their shopping buggies in the opposite direction at the grocery store. Friendships and family relationships have been strained and destroyed because I’m so damn annoying.

Why do vegans insist on being such pains in the asses?

Seriously, why do vegans have to speak up when good, humane organizations hosts BBQ fundraisers to raise money for unwanted and abandoned animals?

Why do vegans have to show up at Earth Day celebrations and rain on everyone’s green parade?

And when people speak of overpopulation of the planet and the resulting exhaustion of natural resources, why do vegans have to bring up that there are over 30 times more farmed animals than humans just in the USA alone?

Then there are those times when good, humanitarian organizations seek donations to help feed the nation’s and world’s poor and vegans get all “you know if we all ate plants, we could feed 10 billion people with the crops being grown now and no one has to starve in the first place?”

And then people get excited about circus elephants being retired or orcas no longer being captured for entertainment and everyone is like YAY! and vegans are like what about the other circus animals, the other zoo animals, and all the farm animals? Gosh, vegans, can’t you be happy about anything? So annoying!

And it’s extra annoying when people spend a lot of time rescuing domestic animals like dogs and cats (because, you know, animal abuse is wrong) and they donate to wildlife organizations to protect the wolves or polar bears or endangered birds and vegans have to get all uppity and point out that farmed animals need and deserve just as much protection as domesticated and wild animals.

Oh, oh, oh and those terrible vegans chuckle when others go insane over the dog eating festival in China or the mass dolphin killings in Japan (remember The Cove?) because they watch you eat cows, chickens, fish, and pigs before, during, and after your fits of rage.

If you find the image above completely annoying and offensive, let me remind you that this is considered normal and acceptable:

And then there are those horrid vegans who show little sympathy or patience when meat, dairy, and egg eaters constantly complain about their endless visits to the doctors, their expensive prescription medications, and the inconvenience of their medical procedures.

Good lordy then there are all those damn food documentaries like Forks Over Knives and environmental documentaries like Cowspiracy and animal rights documentaries like Earthlings or Unity that vegans shove on others. Oh, don’t even mention all the books and cookbooks. It’s out of control! Don’t vegans know that if disease could be prevented or cured and environmental pollution could be curbed that our medical and environmental institutions and advocacy groups would let us know?

And who can forget the public outrage when Cecil was killed? A beautiful, innocent animal was slaughtered not for need but for want and those awful vegans just shook their heads in disbelief.

Seriously, don’t vegans know that humans need meat, dairy, and eggs to survive?

And don’t vegans know that eating animals is necessary to keep animal populations under control? I mean, do we want cows, chickens, and pigs overtaking the land?

And, come on, everyone does it. It’s normal. Don’t be a weirdo you annoying vegan.

Okay, okay, okay….I don’t know about you but I feel better after venting about these horrid, terrible vegans. They are so damn annoying and such a pain in the ass with all their facts, figures, and fallacy busters.

(Pssst….maybe it’s not the vegans who are annoying you. Perhaps it’s your conscience.)

Veganism isn’t a cult, religion, or political party. It is a way of living that connects beliefs to actions. Join us. Believe me, the only people who will find you annoying are nonvegans.

Additional Resources

• Getting Started on a Low Fat, Whole Food, Plant-Based Diet

• Nutrition Only in Animal-Based Foods

• Johns Hopkins on Health & Environmental Implications of Animal Consumption