I learned how to smoke cigarettes in the Appalachian State University girl’s dorm bathroom at Field Hockey Camp one summer in high school. Apparently my teacher was really good because I smoked on and off (mostly on) for the next 16 years until the month before I got pregnant with my daughter.
The Smoking Habit
My champion (sarcasm) breakfast in high school was coffee, cigarettes and Vivarin caffeine pills in the car on the way to school. Fast forward, I remember sitting on the front porch steps of my very first house in my mid-20’s loving my coffee with Irish Creamer and cigarettes for breakfast. Lunch breaks at work meant chain-smoking and drinking sweet tea driving to and from the lunch destination.
I started waking up to my cigarette addiction when I was 30 and working at Barnes & Noble. I observed how I would smoke on the way to work. After work, I couldn’t get in the car fast enough to light up. But in between – available smoke breaks and lunch at work – I had no desire to smoke and wouldn’t for a full 8 hour shift. Still I managed to go through a pack a day.
Why was I so “hooked” before and after work, but not during work? I started thinking deeply about this.
What was I feeling right before I was urged from within to light up? What was swirling in my mind – consciously or subconsciously – that created the urge? I was determined to get to the root of this so I started conducting experiments on myself.
After work I’d get in the car to drive home. The familiar and habitual urge would arrive. Rather than light up I sat with myself, went deep within and tried to pinpoint my feelings.
This is what I found: anxiety.
I was anxious about the drive home, what I would do once I got there and how the evening would play out. Would I be happy, challenged, bored, secure? Once I was aware of my anxiety I started to break it down. I told myself that there was nothing over which to be anxious. I was not 100% subject to fate. I could help create the experience I would have during my car ride and when I got home.
I started investing in books on tape to entertain and inspire myself while driving. I thought about what I really, really, really wanted to do once I got home: what I wanted to eat for dinner, what I wanted to do (read, bathe, create, watch a movie) and how I wanted to feel by bedtime. I would be proactive, not reactive. I began to look forward to my drive home and all the great activities I had in store for myself once I was there. I indulged myself in acute self-care for probably the first time in my life.
Guess what?
After working through this process for several weeks, my cigarette cravings disappeared. Effortlessly. I was not addicted to tobacco, I was addicted to hiding behind a crutch that kept me small. I felt empowered at work – earning one’s own money – hence why I didn’t have the urge to smoke while on shift. I now felt empowered all day long.
Coming out from behind this crutch helped me to take more control over my life experience. It’s still hard for me to believe I was a smoker for 16 years. Meeting me now and my passionate commitment to healthful living, many people find this absolutely incredulous.
I wish it weren’t true, but it is. I believe my lungs have cleansed and repaired themselves by now. My ultra-clean diet helps to undo damage from the past.
Now here’s the BIG LIGHTBULB: when I know what I want, like, and desire in life, in big and small ways, and I have the sense of self-worth to create these experiences in my life, I feel less likely to play small and self-soothe with an addiction or self-abusive behavior.
I believe this to be true for most people whether their addiction be to food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, sex or exercise. These crutches help us endure our “sad place” but in the long run do immense damage to ourselves and those around us.
Going deep and understanding what’s really at play – anxiety, fear, grief, guilt – is difficult at first, but ultimately liberating. Knowing how to create peace & balance in your own life is the first step to living a life without addiction.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Wonderful post Carla!
I find this time and time again in my practice with people who want to release addictions. Until you know the why, you can’t deal with the real issue. All addictions are about an attempt at self care. I did a similar thing with smoking 5 years ago and will never smoke again. x
So good of you to be doing this work with others Kerry. <3
As a heavy smoker (2+ packs a day) for 24 years, I know how hard it is to quit. Many of us are pre exposed to smoking as many of us may grow up in a household where 1 or more parents smoke. I, was on the receiving end of this topic. Even as a young boy 5,8,12,14 years of age, I ALWAYS loved the smell of cigarette smoke. Every time I was around cigarette smoke as a kid (which was all the time) I could not get enough of it. I simply new that when I became a late teen, I would be a smoker…sure enough, I was correct. On my 18th birthday, I bought a pack of Camels for .95 cents and lit up…It was 2nds nature, like sipping water from a glass. From then until my late 30’s I smoked heavily. I was always a very healthy person. Ate well, had a great diet, I was never sick…matter of fact, I have never had an antibiotic in my life due to an illness of any kind. When I turned 39, it kind of set in that I was getting old. Heck, 40 was less than a year away at this point. I told myself it was time to make some changes as an adult and smoking had to go. I planned that I would quit smoking within my 40th birthday year. I did not set a date, a week or a month… I set a whole year as a goal.
Sure enough, that December came where I celebrated my 40th birthday party. My girlfriend threw a surprise bash and many of my friends attended. I spent the night celebrating, eating, talking, drinking and yes “smoking”. I continued to be a heavy smoker through Jan, Feb, March and April and then May seemed like the month I was hoping for. Sometime around the 1st week of May, I purchased an Electronic Cigarette. “E-Cigs” have no tobacco, no smoke and operates on water vapor with no harmful chemicals. The E-cig sat in my car for a few weeks until I felt the day was here that I was ready to dive in. On May 16th, I went out on the town as usual, had some nightlife and smoked away… When I woke up on the morning of May 17th, I was prepared to quit. I threw my cigarettes in the glove compartment and opened the E-Cig. I walked inside, poured a cup of coffee, took a sip, took a big drag of water vapor and said “yep! this is going to be easy”. Needles to say, it has been 6 months and I have not touched a cigarette. I still use the vapor cig to simulate the hand to mouth action while I’m out for happy hour/nightlife or having drinks with friends. Being around cigarette smokers does not bother me one bit. I do not crave tobacco anymore. Do I miss smoking? You betcha!!! When you take part in an act that you do 40-50 times per day for 24 years, it becomes a lifestyle and the actions are not only written into your daily routine, but written into your make up of “who you are.”
When quitting, it is very important to have a plan. DON’T try to set a “day” to quit if you’re a heavy smoker. Setting a day to stop may work if you are a casual/social smoker but not for the dedicated smoker. Trying to quit by an impeding deadline will only cause more anxiety and ruin your chances. Here are a few tips from me:
1. Pick a year to quit (not a day/week/month)
2. Get rid of as much stress in your life as possible in the months leading up to quitting.
3. Have reinforcement in arms reach when the day comes. This is important because when you give yourself a huge time frame to quit, you never know when that day will come. Be ready with products like Ecigs (flavorless) or nicotine gum. I recommend staying away from the patches as that delivers a steady dose of nicotine all day 24/7 for as long as you use them. Ecigs and gum only deliver nicotine in small doses as needed. It’s also important not to abuse the crutch that you are using to help you quit.
4. DO NOT change or stop any other habits you may have that you associate with smoking. Key habits here are drinking alcohol, driving, having big meals, drinking coffee, talking on the phone, sex, etc. Many of these acts are associated with smoking triggers and go hand in hand. However, if you quit drinking, or stop drinking coffee because it makes you think of smoking, then you will have greater anxiety due to the fact that now, not only are you going through nicotine withdrawal, but alcohol and caffeine withdrawal as well. This will surely cause you to pick up a cigarette. Your goal is to quit smoking, NOT quit everything. If you want to quick drinking too? Well, set that as another goal off in the distance once you conquered the cigarettes 🙂
5. Start a new healthy habit. Create a goal! I took up running…yes! sounds weird but I am now addicted to running and it’s not a bad thing. Shortly after quitting, I saw an ad in the paper regarding the Hilton Head Firecracker 5K road race. I thought, why not? The race was July 4th and the present day at that point was June 4th. I had a month to train. My first day of running was horrible. Took me over 12 minutes to go one mile. I didn’t let it stop me. I kept training every other day. At the rate I started at, It would take me 39 minutes to do the 5K. I set a goal to run it in under 30 minutes. After a month of training, sore muscles, coughing, hacking. I met that goal on race day. Fast forward to today as I am still running 6 months later. My 1 mile time is 6 minutes 24 seconds and I can run a 5K in just over 24 minutes. I have also run a 5K (6.2 miles) in 57 minutes. I am not typing/telling you this to brag. But more so to impress UPON you that it can be done. NEVER under estimate the power of “will”.
6. Just have fun! And, what I mean is….enjoy the extra time each day that you have as a non smoker. A pack/day smoker spends an hour a day smoking (3 min per cigarette X 20 in a pack). I spent over 2 hours a day smoking. I now have that time put back INTO my day.
Best of luck!
🙂
Hey Marc~ Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and advice with me and my Carla Golden Wellness readers. You have invaluable insight for those who think it’s impossible to quit and you’ve shown the exact tactics and tools that helped you to succeed. Thanks again. I know this information will inspire, motivate and help a lot of people. Great running too! That’s awesome!
🙂 You are welcome!
Thanks for sharing your story, Carla.
As someone who’s never smoked, I always wondered how people get into it and what psychologically keeps them hooked. 🙂
It was definitely a self-esteem issue for me!